Are you a good friend?

I've been feeling very challenged in certain areas of my life lately.  Not only do I want to become a better  happier, more well-rounded, generous, kind, loving individual, I want to make sure I am being a good friend to those who are in my life.  I know how quickly things can change in your life.  And how important it is to have good friends who will stand by your side during your darkest hours, who will lift you up in times of trouble, you will challenge you, grow with you, cry with you, laugh with you, and will be around to enjoy all the precious small moments that make up your life.


I will admit it.  It is very easy to get caught up in my own life's drama that I often forget about the needs of my friends.   With five kids, a husband who travels, and my own, personal needs and desires, it's easy to let friendships slip.  I can't tell you how many times I've "meant" to call, write, text, or say "hi, how are you doing?" and time has gotten away from me.

With Facebook, Twitter, and all the other gadgets we have at our fingertips, it's easy to think we are connected to our friends.  And, I guess we are, on a superficial, surface level.  But, do we really take the time to cultivate these relationships? 

In an effort to be more genuine to my friends, I've put together a sort of mental checklist for myself.  I'm sure there is more to add to this list, but it's a good starting point for me.

Be open, honest, and real.
True friendship cannot be built on false images. We must be true to ourselves. We may think we have to present a faultless picture of ourselves to the rest of the world, but why? No one wants to be friends with someone who is perfect! We simply need to be our best selves and allow people to know the real, imperfect us.

Of course, being open and honest doesn’t mean spilling our guts to everyone. As we already know, loyalty is a rare commodity in today's society.  Show that you are a friend who deserves loyalty by being that type of friend to those who are already in your life.
  

Take a genuine interest in others.
Everyone has something to offer this world. We need to search for it, find it, and help them realize it.  Everyone wants to feel important, needed, wanted, valued.  When we listen to others and show interest in what's important to them, we begin to truly understand and love them. If  we only focus on us, or expect our friends to focus on us all the time, the friendship will quickly lose steam and we'll be left with nothing. Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.”



Be a positive role model
We all face trials and tribulations of different magnitudes and we all have times when we feel down and out.   However, people who consistently bring us down with their problems and complaints are generally not the ones we want to hang around with for any length of time. Habitual whining is not the stuff of which true friendships are made. Of course, sometimes a friend will go through a difficult time, and we need to be ready and willing to hold a hand and provide a listening ear.  We need to stand in the gap for our friends.  Don't be looking to boost yourself up by putting others down.

Be a giver, not a taker
How can we be givers?  Instead of asking what we get out of any relationship, we should be looking for what we can give.  What can we give to others? How about a smile, a hug, a kind word, a phone call, a text, a listening ear, help with an errand, a prayer, an encouraging note, a meal, our TIME? We can come up with many things to give others if we are willing to be attentive to their needs. But, to know someone’s needs, you must take a genuine interest in the person first. Giving and self-sacrifice are part of the definition of love.

Be loyal, respectful and forgiving

When a friend shares with you in confidence, don't be quick to gossip.  Be respectful of where others are in their life's journey.  Most of all, don't hold on to anger.  If a friend hurts you, try - really try - to understand why your friend said the things or acted the way she did.  Jealousy, envy, bitterness, and anger are all sisters in sin and killers of good relationships. But if we continually take these emotions to God and ask for His help in overcoming them, we can remain loyal, respectful and forgiving to our friends through the thick and thin of life.

I'll admit, I have a lot of work to do in many of these areas.  It's a daily struggle to set aside my own needs and desires to focus on others. I'm hoping that with each day it gets a little easier.